Intimate Betrayal

I’ve invited my husband, Jesse to write this post with me as the topic that I had in mind rang a lot of bells for both of us. I’m grateful that he accepted. This post is a merging of both of our thoughts and writing. Get ready, it’s a long one!


I (Nicole) have heard more Sunday morning messages about God taking on the form of man to identify with our humanness than I can count. I don’t know that I’ve ever truly believed them. There are lots of reasons for my disbelief most of them having to do with my insistence that it would be difficult for him to truly identify with my personal experiences as a woman and a wife. Reading Matthew 26 and 27 helped me to see how wrong I have been. Many of you have been praying for Jesse and I through the years as we have struggled with harsh truths in our marriage. Truths about our connectedness, purity, honesty, unconditionalness. How could a perfect God identify and connect with me, personally and empathetically, given the level of intimate betrayal I have experienced? Enter Judas Iscariot.


The first verse that really stood out to both of us was Matthew 26:23 “Jesus replied, ‘The one who dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me”. My Jesus, the God of the heavens and the earth, is a multidimensional God. He is more than the God who rides in on a cloud of glory. He is also the man who experienced the hurt that results from the most intimate betrayal in all of history. A betrayal that is signified by the very sign if intimacy itself – a kiss. He has experienced the betrayal of a friend and confidant who shared in the closest of traditions at one of the most personal moments of Jesus life – his last supper. And this God/Man can surely identify with the painful betrayals of my heart.


While I (Jesse) was reading I was thinking that Judas apparently didn’t really, deep down, know Jesus. He spent a lot of time with him, but we know that he had his hand in the till all along. At the last supper, right after Jesus has clearly stated that he knows he’s going to be betrayed Judas joins the others in saying, “Surely it is not I?” (26:25) It’s as if he thought he could somehow fool the Son of God. Which made me wonder, how well do I really know Him? Even though I’ve spent all of my life sitting in churches and Bible studies, do I think I can fool him too? Am I ready to abandon him when he wants to invite me into his Kingdom instead of delivering the goodies I’m expecting? Does that turn into a justification for sin, or at least for a lack of effort in pursuing a better relationship with him? After all, why bother with all this God business if he won’t do what I want? Reading about Judas leads me to ask myself some serious questions.


What stood out to me (Jesse) the most in this passage is that Judas represents the difference between remorse and repentance. Matt. 27:3 tells us that Judas “felt remorse.” Remorse to the point of death. Judas publicly acknowledged his sin and obviously felt awful about it. But he didn’t repent. I wondered as I read this: how many times have I felt just terrible about something I’ve done – and that was it? The fruit of remorse is, at best, an abiding sense of guilt, shame, and self pity. Repentance is something else again. A repentant Judas might have done something to show a real turning from sin, not just feel bad about it. This challenges me because for some reason, even though it feels terrible, remorse over my sins has been much easier than true repentance. Probably because it doesn’t require me to do anything except sit with my self-pity. 

One of my (Nicole’s) favorite Over the Rhine songs is Poughkeepsie from the ‘Good Dog, Bad Dog’ album. The lyrics talk abou

t being “drunk on self pity, scorned all that’s been given me, I would drink from a bottle labeled Sure Defeat”. As I read Jesse’s reflections I think that’s the kind of hopelessness he’s writing about. The turn in the song comes when hope falls from the heavens allowing us to cast our worries to the sky. Grace. 


So, here’s the hope of grace for us: I (Jesse) noticed that in the very midst of his betrayal, Jesus still calls Judas his “friend.” (26:50) That’s staggering. It tells me that Jesus isn’t writing anybody off, not even me. At the ultimate moment, he was still ready to embrace Judas as a “friend.” And it tells me (Nicole) that our God is the God of reconciliation. The restorer of even the most broken, deceitful relationships. He is a God who can undoubtedly identify with my hearts desire to experience renewed intimacy and recovery from betrayal. And so we both rejoice. What an amazing Savior!


Tomorrow I’ll be reading Luke 1-3.



Filed under Bible, blog, born again, christian living, christianity, church, divorce, Evangelical, faith, God, inspiration, Jesus, marriage, Matthew, reconciliation, restoration, Uncategorized, worship

5 responses to “Intimate Betrayal

  1. marycooke

    Love the last paragraph, the demonstration of Jesus’ grace and forgiveness. I love that He is the God of reconciliation, recovery, and healing. This is something I’ve been working through.

    Thanks for sharing! Hope you will check out my blog too.


  2. Nicole & Jesse,

    You’ve both written a very powerful and provactive post. In the marriage ministry that Michael and I are involved in, we often speak with husbands who are remorseful though not repentent which actually makes their restoration with God and their wife even more difficult than if they were repentent from the beginning. It’s like this crazy lie they tell themselves, that it’s going to be easier to just be sorry and in truth, it’s the very opposite.

    I loved what you said about Jesus still calling Judas His friend inspite of what He knew he was going to do. That kind of love seems so out of reach and yet, it’s offered to us every moment of every day. So why do we run?

  3. Heather

    Lately I have been reading The Message version on the Bible. After reading the Bible my whole life, it just makes it take on new meaning. I love the way Matthew 26: 25 is translated, “Then Judas, already turned traitor, said, “It isn’t me, is it, Rabbi?”
    Jesus said, “Don’t play games with me, Judas.” ”
    That just brings alive to me all the games we try to play with ourselves and God to rationalize away our sins and disobedience.
    Also I noticed Peter’s betrayal at the end of the chapter. Again we might rationalize that it wasn’t on the same level as Judas. No one ever feels insulted being called a “Peter” as opposed to a “Judas,” and maybe the difference here is that Peter felt the remorse and then went on to accept repentance and forgiveness.

  4. Alex Lowe

    It takes a lot of courage to share from the heart about how scripture speaks to you and the impact it has in your life. Thank you for sharing how these passages speak to you!

    I definitely connect with a lot of the things you wrote. “Which made me wonder, how well do I really know Him?” – a question we should all be asking ourselves daily.

  5. Katy

    After reading everyone’s comments I feel like there are many things to consider. I agree that it takes a lot of courage to share from the heart and I think it’s great both of you shared your thoughts and feelings this time. Also I don’t think many people think about the fact that Peter betrayed Jesus in much the same way that Judas did. I have things to think about and a new way to look at these verses which I have heard so many times in my life. I’m very appreciative for this opportunity to study the gospels with others and get their opinions and view points.

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